28/03/2019

A brief update arrives.

Following on from thoughts that emerged again a few days ago I am seeing my autobiography to be split into three and with variations or exact representations of the following, for each respective volume:


Of the Rabbit
As the Rabbit Crawls
The Rabbit's Castle



The autobiographies and The Expansive diaries

Once done, in a sense, noting the ever growing TED, I shall make sure all offline files are updated too.


The Expansive Diaries


01/09/2018

I rang again the DWP only to realise, after going through multiple levels of their voice recorded stalling tactics, that their operators are busy due to no-one working the lines on weekends with the recorded voice reminding me of a Monday-Friday set up. I am not sure if I shall be able to be registered at a new GP before Monday so once telling them of my new address I shall have to ring again to update. Oh the joy. I have though wrote a Birmingham based DWP office's address onto an envelope and shall either pen a letter again about the address change, if not using an existing one I wrote digitally or I shall instead ring, if I can get through, tell them of the changes and maybe use the letter for updating on the change of GP address. My anxiety was building quite easily this morning as I prepared myself for a stranger's voice to appear to me and with unknown motive but I made myself ready for nothing, it seemed.

No word from Katie yet about whether or not she can meet up. I would like to suggest to her that I would be willing to see if I can come to Surrey for some of the filming, if that helps her out. I just need to understand a few things first, such as what form of travel would be appropriate. A train is not wise given my still delicate self and given my familiarity with coaches and two coach stations it would be wise and additionally cheaper to take an early coach. I am starting again to feel the daunting breath of the anxiety Dragon bearing down upon me as I consider simply going outside for a walk- yet it was only yesterday that I managed such a walk, even to Asda once I felt more ready. It sometimes works like this. Sometimes we are out and about so much so and yet rather than becoming more comfortable with the outside world we become more exhausted and ever closer to returning to a state of being overwhelmed. Usually it is fear that pushes me forward but right now anxiety in this moment is an exception to the rule for it seems to cripple without creating the resurgence from fear effect.

My cucumber is lasting quite well. Particularly pleasing seeing as how Asda's cucumber man robbed me of another one I purchased the other day. We will ride boldly together: Arthur, Lancelot and I, to avenge every lost cucumber trampled underfoot by this tyrannical government. We all are just cucumbers sitting in a fridge to them. No use, no purpose, no emotion and dream. Raised for the enjoyment of others and not allowed to forge our own path. The stain of the innocence of adulthood or the malfeased approach to betterment? Interestingly I was watching The Good Life yesterday on Youtube. A programme about two individuals seeking to remove themselves from the system they perceive to be holding themselves back and finally achieve something of freedom. My downstairs roommate is having the same dream and plans to retire to the Philippines with his wife come December. I wish him well. For I, the battle is the enjoyment, for it is all that is left to us. I can not do what I wish far, far beyond words, to revive the dead, undo all people's struggles, loneliness, misery, reverse all miscarriages of justice, I can not do that. I believed otherwise, so fiercely. And I suppose there must be a portion of me that still deludes myself into believing one battle shall somehow gift me with such skill. But what is left for us but battle? All we can do now is fight hard to make sure another does suffer and so I plough on with my projects in memory of Alice, my attempts to reform both politics and democracy, my attempts to start a cooking awakening revolution, my attempts to reform school and the National Curriculum, find time for my writing and filming projects, dream of somehow getting to see Friends among all of this- there is no diary that is my diary. I keep creating such here and there but they never last long.

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02/09/2018

September: oh where did you come from? What wings of great speed brought you upon us so swiftly? The time just changed to 9:58AM. I am tired, worn, exhausted and stressed. The heat made sleep even more difficult but without stress the heat alone would have not been enough to prevent a good sleep. Also I did get to bed quite late. I spent most of yesterday stressing over how to deal with Leyanna's abuse, how the words of a bully never leave you even when you move to another part of the city and I also spent considerable time stressing over not being able to inform DWP of my address change. This morning both items have swum into view, as they did during my tossing and turning through the night and earlier stages of today's morning that is now upon us. Tomorrow lines shall open again and I suppose I shall be anxiously waiting for someone to answer and maybe get the third degree about supposedly not bothering to contact them earlier. I actually did quite soon after moving in but could not get through. I am so hungry. I ate quite well, yesterday, I thought. I think sleep is playing havoc with hunger signs. I was up quite late playing Pokemon Ultra Moon in order to try and counter the stress and anxiety building. Nights are always difficult even on weekdays. Phone lines  I was thinking this morning in greater detail about how let down I felt by both West Midlands Police and Crimestoppers. When someone informs you of dangerous activity and individuals and especially when the victim is vulnerable you need to be given more direct access to help and support. This can be achieved without breaking anonymity, I am certain. I still do not understand how Leyanna knew I reported them but I am certain that was why her campaign of terror started. My only idea is that WMP conducted some sort of surveillance, the overheard helicopter heard, for instance and their paranoia led them to incidentally correctly determine that I was responsible.

I was just thinking about how Alice would know just what to say and do. I tried to internally emulate her wisdom, for she did gift us all with it after all. But it is not the same, not even close to a poor substitution for her presence we so terribly miss. Her confident voice alone would reassure me and she would look at me with those beautiful eyes and tell me everything will be alright. She would tell me to keep faith. But how, Alice? How can I keep faith in anything and anyone when one of the lives I came to love the deepest and most profoundly is no longer with us? How can I have faith without you who helped me learn to have faith again, you whom encouraged me to want to live, to want to escape hospital and build a new life for myself? We never had much opportunity to discuss my life and still to this day most of my abuses suffered remain private despite vowing to be braver at seeking justice. But as you spoke to the quiet Child you were speaking to a recent victim of abuse waged by people in horribly powerful positions. You were a hero whom loved me and did the impossible by making me forget about my distrust for most Humans and falling in love with all of you.


___________________________________________________________________________


This is some of the work undertaken 16/9/2018

KA blurb

Where darkest arrow flies fastest, where heaviest burden holds supreme, where Godless land sits nearest reach; where is next hope?

In the King's lap

King Arthur: Rivers of friendship is a take on the infamous Arthurian legend which focuses on the master friendship forged between king and knight, king and queen and queen and knight. Through this tale I illustrate what the friendship meant to the first kingdom, the kingdom of their hearts. My belief is that this component has always naturally been a highlight of at least semi-modern day Arthurian works. I have overjoyed to have now finished my own King Arthur treatment and offer this edition to the public, should you feel wanting to investigate my take.

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King Arthur: Of the left hand

King Arthur: Ad/De Sinistram

/King Arthur-I rode with left

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My parents were strictly against the idea of putting sugar into tea

My parents were always anti-Labour and pro Conservative (Exception aside with my Mother for Margaret Thatcher, in the beginning, later spreading, apparently, to my Father also.)

On the other hand...

My Mother has had a disdain of sorts for school for quite a while, born seemingly from both her bad experiences and from pride in wanting to take full control of her Children's lives

I feel myself a failure and yet I have been an influence for good. It was me who brought Eevee into our lives by mentioning the local petshop one day, saying I noticed Rabbits available while on my way back from college. I probably made up the price and of course was simply wanting to start the conversation rather than having happened to notice that day and no other. Seemingly before long everybody was talking about Rabbits and pondering where one would live, if one was purchased and then the next thing I recall we are driving to said shop to purchase one. We had pretty much decided the names beforehand: Eevee, suggested by me and perhaps also by Ben. Taylor, may have been me and my Sister. And Marie, perhaps my Sister or my Mother or both. Eevee Taylor Marie had been conceived -now to find the Rabbit whom the names would be assigned to (It may have been once home that the second and/or third name were finalised rather than beforehand.). And there, to the left of the petshop, was this young looking thing whom instantly screamed "Eevee." His adorable head was attached to a small body

I went over to him and pointed him out to the others. I think my Father had spotted him the same time or even sooner before I. There was a quick display where the male owner informed us he was a she (Now you know the wonderful beginnings of Eevee's gender chronicles./saga) with his young female assistant disputing, saying sometihng like "Look, that comes out."

Despite my Mother still to this day in denial, Eevee clearly turned out to be male.

ithinkmymotherthoughtfemaleebebetterbehavedadasier, itfoudnthtquitesa,dquitelonely,moresonowgotknoweevee-andshetakentohimfine. Eevee is a fine man. He is very well behaved, enjoys both solitary breaks and Human and teddy interaction,

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(Ivenotiecedthis-my Mother constantly refers to young girls as women, perhspfeelignjustifiesherangsttowrdthm, virgintrainrudewomen-shewasteenager,clearly.)

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 Are you diseased and deranged? And why is an opinon from us, related to protecitng ourseles form great harm, "snowflaking" but your opinion, coming from insecurity and fear, allowed to reign supreme and be known as the mark of a sane?

You ask me to be proud of my country; which part? The inability to except the horror of world war two and continued glamorisation of both pride and war? The fact that in your beligerent deriding of people's opinions you simultenously, from the same mouth and speaker no less, that this is the country where all are welcome and appreciated? All but snowflakes and sufferers, correct? Which ingredient of Britain would you have me try to stomach? A legacy of war and conquest?

As Elim Garak admitted when faced with the destruction, as tragic as Cardassian's end was, the cost of his return home and the ending of the Dominion war and tragic that would always remain, one can not dare feign surprise at the Bird called home for returning so. Cardassia brought ruin upon itself, a conquerer always ends up conquered for the effort of sustaining an occupation is always vastly underestimated and far too much for one person and one person it is whom wants such, no follower will ujnderstand the same, pursuesmae, new generations born wanitngjust peaceul life and reovlution is sown before you see it. Our next war shall come from within and during the social distance years SDY Britain shall collapse further, for we asked it to. We conequered outside, anyone whom spoke and did not trade. We even tried to conquer our allies within the European Union, barring teeth at everyone but the US. Today we now conquer each other, ruthlessy hypocritically forsaking the values brave people yesterday died for and today's brave live for under the umbrella and false flag of protecting them: "snowflakes must be exterminated in the name of protecting free speech and expression; firearms must become the right of British citizens in order to protect us from violent extremists; the internet must remain free and neutral even if it is in the hands of an extremist whom has seized control and influence."

It is not me you have to convince of your nonsense but yourself.

If freedom is so free and in pursuit, how many snowflakes does it take to gain freedom and how many is it wrong to persecute for simply exercising the value you claim to seek to protect?

If we are in need of protection from extremists, how much thought has given to defending with defensive measures versus legalising antagonistical weapons? How many people must we shoot to protect someone from being shot? How can you justify deciding whom is allowed to purchase a gun versus the immensely safer question of deciding whom is allowed to purchase non-projectile military guard armour?

If the internet's value of supremacy lies in its freedom, how could it be traitorous to fight to gain control of it from the dark influencers whom hold it today? If truly the good are taking up the challenge, then once Bird captured it shall be released back into the wild- safer than where it is today, imprisoned and caged. Like the sense of decency Britons once had in abundance.

Is Human fear really indefeatable? Must every creature turn hideous when confronted with pain? The beloved Rabbit turns and flees, seemingly without a second glance. But no, it is not so.

I have experienced horrible tragedy and have not harmed another in attempt to cope with my pain; this is repeated among others I know. Then the strangers, stories of risking life to protect family and Friends. And the Rabbit? Visit Youtube and the creature of anxiety will be seen attacking wild snakes in defense of Rabbit cubs.

Rabbits, supposedly less intelligent than us, are capable of possessing multi-planned thinking, putting the lives of others before themself. This is a remarkable gift of life. Why can not every creature do that? Why are some of you so hideous? Why do people like Leanna and Simon exist, trying to imprison an innocent person? I used to delve into psychology constantly in order to assess the details and gaze at the psychological realm's sky in order that I may see an arriving star with answers deposited aboard its being. Then philosophy arrived again in strength and the line between the two a little blurred sometimes. Today both are still the key to thought. Yet I sense something... a third matter being created. What shape or form it is taking, I am not yet sure. But this September of 2018 I sensed it emerging. Perhaps having again worn out tirelessly politics general and political ideas and plans within my head hope of effecting change politically disappeared, slinking away ashamed but not before parting its energy to this new Child it sensed being born, like a character in Dragon Ball passing energy onto the one now recognised to replace them and fight the fight they could not. I have no name for it yet, I barely know that it exists. But I do sense it. Something new is emerging inside of me. Something carrying a little optimism but a fusion of so many old and historical expressions. Something that is neither the study of philosophy, psychology nor politics as currently known. A fourth pillar. Rupert would be amused. Although there always was philanthropy but by strict nature that should be included within philosophy. Philanthropy makes sense as a separate inclusion where stressing Humanity's good or potential is concerned but it is alright for the four P's to become the three P's when speaking of the fields of reality (Perception would work as another one where speaking differently.).

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And we will get it, I know that. This land will be a conquered land before long. Not by Muslims from afar nor Christians from near. But by a new foe, too gallant and powerful to be held back by a weakened hand fighting itself into oblivion. It will be the influence of China that we failed to check for far too busy where we with inventing problems to overshadow the real ones. When forced abortions are commonplace in this land of Arthur's, will still you blame everyone but yourself for the blood shed now by all?

I do not consign my country nor my planet nor existence to this fate. I do not. Why would I write, speak and express so much if not to try to avert catastrophes and express the fears they bring? But you keep ridiculing my view and telling me I am

You can not see it but you have achieved great repression with your fear of yourself. In the end, rights abused are rights lost. Although first they shall come for us, secondly they shall come for you. Thirdly they shall take every one.

Guardians of truth and education

incondincotosrryusclhonggohus...geez eickup "Oh, look everyone. We have a left handed person! Better get out the special scissors. The special pencil grips...the special everything..." The fuss that was made for me, it was highly uncomfortable an would have been even without the unwanted attention and additional bullying from the school kids. righsayaskidbutsayohuwantittoellugtojob,okihavedolothardworfaisay,iandistilldontgetit-whyuexhusted moaning about havingotgetpiarsiccossr (Whichiseemtorecallwehroeftne,cerintlysohuldben,storedsmplaceasotherscissors!) Honestly. Is it no wonder we now live in "having a different opinon or desperate need makes you a snowflake and my own opinion and needs, although by logic makig me a snowflake as well, are more important than yours, for I have cruelly decided so" world? The makings were therea s a Child,furtherback too. The irritation at having to prepare for indivudals, the shcok,even! Yes. Clearlyschool teachers expected us to be already conformed. I speak of how Sunday School tried to conform us and hav eus not question The Bible but weekly school was very much the same. An agenda was established and follow it e had to. No. I shall not. Nor shall any Child whom does not wish to, I believe is right.

Oh and I remember well the fake acceptance of some. One teacher I remember, maybe in her sixties, was telling me about how she had a left handed grandson of some sort but was trying to accept him, using it to "console me," that it was "not my fault that I was left handed." Hmm... Now where does that sound familiar? Before actual acceptance there is this parade of reduced discrimination that really is maybe just a disguised form and not really lessened. I was reading today how today's Vietnam still forces Children to write with their right hand and that such is the conditioning that one Child wrote to their teacher, expressing thanks for making sure she did not write with her left hand. And you think the world is a safer placer.

According to what I just read on Wikipedia: "In studies in the United States and United Kingdom, it was found that left-handed men earn more than right-handed men; about 5% more in the UK. Conversely, left-handed women earn about 7.5% less than right-handed women. "

Well what to do with that? Like antinucnagoanwaere. Maybe the lef thanded people were ostracised and thus broke out of the system, thus becoming self employed? Typically a self employed person can earn more in a day than an employed person can but in terms of actual higher income it is much more complicated. And why does this extend to men only? Is it do wothijobslotsinUSandKhaveforwomen/men?

How were you finding your people studied?

Now ask yourself, all left handed people: can you immediately, accurately and honestly say that your choice was a burden innate or a burden because people made it into one? Look back. I can only speak for myself but I know that the scorn poured was scorn poured-innately I was fine. A consistent barrage was against my handwriting, that it was deme

Finally!

Of course, when I remarked "who cares," well, you can imagine the usual crap of a lecture I received about throwing my education away (Hmm. Still waiting for that meteorite to fall on my head. Gosh, I am so stupid away from school. Surrounded by the internet, a couple of hundred books, a library, nature, my ideas and interesting people: none of that could possibly compare to the education offered by an educational regime that waters down reality until it fits onto a piece of paper and only so you can correctly guess results in an exam. I am such a thick person. My goodness. my blood boils-the audacity to actulylclaim,the sheer, insounrutbelcheekofitall. Woe is I... If only I had listened to school. where would I be now? Frantically waiting at the job centre each morning while life disappeared. Gee thank goodness school destroys initiative! We all know how slow lif eis, we hace all the time int he world to get things right. Let's not teach people to resdicove rinittiave and support thm, let's just have business as usual at job centre.).

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

High turnout of Children attending public school...

High turnout of Children immediately signing onto Job seeker's allowance.

No! No. Do not be silly. Do not investigate. There could not possibly be any correlation. Hang your head in shame. Silly. Steel yourself. Perish the thought. Those whom leave school go on to immediately receive the job of their choice and live happily ever after. That I have never once signed onto Job Seeker's allowance and never once relied on the state to create for me a job, is completely coincidental. Completely. The Tories and past Labour governments could not possibly be supporting the very stain of unemployment they claim to be washing away, by ensuring structured education remains irrelevant. What a preposterous idea. Really, you do amuse me. Ha-ha.

Tea, anyone? We have a lot to talk about.

16/9/2018

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In each region, a handful of Pokémon stand apart as creatures of heroic stories and wild adventures. See and collect these astounding Pokémon of myth and legend with the expansion of Pokémon TCG: Shining Legends! A trove of Pokémon treasures! This sturdy metal case contains more than a dozen special Pokémon goodies, including many not found anywhere else.

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An average price for a pack of eleven Pokemon cards is now between three pound and three pound fifty. Some will offer a higher price and particularly during the early launch of a new set but you can avoid these prices with not too much trouble. Chaos cards, MagicMadhouse, certain Ebay and Amazon sellers and certain other online retailers as well as old school stores, such as Argos, will give you average and sometimes greater than average prices.

Ordering from a wholesaler nets you two immediate things:

-"Guaranteed" authenticity of product

-Discounts

In the trading card world authenticity is everything and I have noticed that it has been the apparent strategy of unscrupulous scammers on both Ebay and Amazon to target parents, among others, with the view that parents will be swayed by their ridiculously low prices attached to their counterfit products and the assumption that parents lack the ability to discern fake from genuine.

This test can sometimes be tried with other products

Counterfit cards are

As for pre purchase advice: If someone is attempting to sell a packet of Pokemon cards Magic the Gathering, sometimes. Popeye, yes. Pokemon, almost never. I can not say that it shall never happen and you should be on the look out for a good deal but in general you really will be scammed.

Why does it matter?

Pathetically and mind numbingly the scammers are trying to put themselves out of business.

The scammers do not design new cards. Not these kind. They rely on Nintendo, Game Freak et al to continue designing, promoting, distributing and selling their cards yet attempt to piggyback and even take over their success, increasing or risking increase of prices

Game Freak artists created these Pokemon, they gave them life. And artists then transform their existence to the trading card world in collaboration with all concerned parties.

These people, whether doing it for passion or for money or both, should not be robbed. Promoting and distributing these cards is fraud. It is wrong. People do get hurt. And I am not a fool. One of the people I look at most sternly, once again, are the heads that make up Nintendo, whom are too busy chasing individuals with well meaning one person operations while the whole of Ebay is flooded with counterfit goods that have convinced parents that these are both the actual prices the product retails at and are the actual products. Show some respect to your staff, Nintendo. For too long you have been protected by the cushion effect produced by your unending association with loveable brands such as Mario and Pokemon. People are waking up and the rowsing groan is one of terrible discontent. You have pushed, even bullied and at times illegally and immoraly outmaunuvered. And let us carefully reference, not knowing the full details, that you may indeed have betrayed Wizards of the Coast, reneging on a promise. Wizards was sold to be the "poor bastard that did wrong." Well, we do not know the truth of that saga. Your actions are wrong, misguided, ill tempered and far, far out of line. You own and co own some of the most beautiful and mesmerising brands this world sees today. Your office is one of the ugliest and disordered known and frankly a disgrace to the video game industry. People talk about SEGA, well, they had their swan song and flew to never properly be seen again. I hope these words rile you into action but I do doubt it. Your whole history is determined by aggressive dominance and disrespect. May I remind you: Pokemon is not yours. You are co owners. And if people ask enough for Game Freak to become sole owners and your relationship with Game Freak strenuous enough you may find yourself losing Pokemon altogether. No Human is an island. No work/projection of yours immutable. You would have been wrong to suggest so yesterday and today, in the world of Brexit -which I did not ask for- and Donald Trump -whom I despise tirelessly- you would be a fool for thinking it could not happen.

Nintendo as a company is isolationist, out of touch, slow, disorganised and deep rooted in heirarchal posturing. It would be a sad day to see the collapse of Nintendo yet such a fall would also see a liberation of sorts. Game Freak, without a single doubt in my mind, would immediately survive the aftermath. IPs would eventually, some if not all, be revived after licensing sorted and

somesatyitisJapanes,somesatythoswhosaysoareracist, cultruehtitsstatic,beenwatofrsmitmmybe buteithernotexcuse, weallaehumasncaswaybetweengoodbadlearning,

There are those whom would tell me it is not my place. Ridiculous balderwash. Nintendo are trying to sell me Pokemon. I love Pokemon. I just wish I did not have to buy it from Nintendo.

Igveup,offeredfreesursentemialtoebaymeanttobutcantaccept-ugooptionscoutnerinotwork, atndtrysenidngtorebymessgeneverepelyinreutn.. givebenfitdoubntotknofake,thy say notihng.

This is all fake on Nintendo's part. A poor guy gets thrreanre dwith court the mainfocus ebingththeislosintNintenod mone ybutt hy wontodantinhgaobitppl floodin and reducing perceive value quantiy (Andknckonoffecofseller,s tifnfindiffifuctsellrealprodcuraartrealprexpctedpricesbydistrubtors.) with counterfit goods? No. Please do not try to tell me thatmyou cna condone Nintnedo. I am open minded but hearing wharveuhsavsay,idstrugglseeit. It is pure hypocrisy. If you want to sue that man, sue him for moral reasons, albeit not really rodat socurts about, ssadly. but donot dres it up. NO man,orgnaisng a party, caused you any loss of orofit (The more you write it the more riiduclsoth convers assertsion sounds as well as funnier, notmenitonotdirectlycompetingwithnintinedoatao,andpplclearitunoffoice.) thmeepdokemorpducts etc and secondy, waitforit, whielJapan mybdifinflaws, there is no crime agianmoralisbttemromralissuetkaeupthm,ininnintneodimwaslegal- to selling goods! You do not have to be a licensed distriubtor. Now, Pokemon themed party? Well, acutall,y I believ,e with nottoo much meandeirngn I can think foconincebleways of orgnaisingone and being immune to alllawsuit,s butotmebeaboutmmorality,whrthetinkheigh,ttakeonymoneyawayornot, allwoedresellvideogamesetc,howelsewgthcpeargmseethyknow, intineddisporblblyrtingtoclampdonwontthimsure, butcurrntlyisdone someodtryrecentcasesofar it sicmpboe therarcasesbeamnuuffucutonamatoldmeinotallwoslelhisitmesithohutellingihmiwdpsutedisresearchthoguhtjustleavehosifornow, notsureiendupreplytohimmyforgotten. amaznneverdidsortoutaccoutnsayupdatecreditcard,disitllnoresposneuslesscustomerservice,

The act of selling Pokemon goods is not illegal- it is dependent on additional factors, presumably. now unnoffofcialproduc,s notsoclear.

We say it again and again and again. This country and world is prepared to profit from fraud for so long as it gets away with it. Ebay is guilty of intentionally profiting from fraud. That is not an opinion, that is a legal observance, having on multiple occassions informed both they and Paypal and no evidence offered to dispute my claim and no investigation administered, at least judging by the fact that items remained available to be sold. Fraud is dirty when public but when people are duped you find that nations and sadly even Nintendo are all too happy to profit, self destructingly and immorally, from fraud, just so long as no-one points it out. Watch tomorrow when the chorus grows louder and suddenly Nintendo shouts: "My goodness! Fraud on Ebay. We are determined to stamp this out and work with our international parties. All reports are taken seriously." I shall be beside the TV, hands poised apart to clap slowly with the heavy sarcasm such an event deserves. "Well played."

I would hope that I am wrong. I hope someone from Nintendo sees this some day and pens me: "Dear Barry, ... We genuinely had no idea of the level of fraud operating within Ebay UK... thank you for bringing to light...unleashing new reporting tool..." But I feel myself naive. I may be naive. But not that naive.